Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
