shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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