Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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