You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
