i can't believe i had my finger in that
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
