Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
