Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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