My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
