At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
