sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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