hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
