Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
