I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
