they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
