i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
