Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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