Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
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dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
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Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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