My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
