Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
