I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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