I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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