I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize