I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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