there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
