I accidentally had phone sex last night
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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