I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
well I can't set my house on fire every night
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
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