im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I think my moral compass just broke
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