Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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