broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm like, not good at living.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
