is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
