what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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