My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize