nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
