I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
