Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
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You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
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just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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