I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
