My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
