I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
