no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Randomize
