You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
