btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
