y did u give ur computer a hand job?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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