im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
