i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
