If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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