Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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