Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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