You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
