I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
