My friends, they love my intelligence
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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