I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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