Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
