I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
