Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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