saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
