nut hugger
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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