Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
