I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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