Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
