So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
