What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
