you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
