he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
