we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
the liver wants what the liver wants
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same