my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
