True but thats because hes a fetus.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
