i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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