he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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