google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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