all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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