Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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