They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
