there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
