i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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