The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
