you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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