you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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