Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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