he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
