It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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