I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
