Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
